-July 6, 2009-
"It's summer time and it's our last night at the beach. I just got back from the pier and now I'm getting ready for bed while watching Dance Your Ass Off with Lauren and Missy. This show is AMAZING! It's Dancing With the Stars meets The Biggest Loser. I'm seriously considering entering my name for next season...
Earlier I went out to the pier to take pictures and take one last look at the ocean. Tonight couldn't have been a better night. The moon was a bright orange and it hung over the ocean casting a perfect orange reflection on the tips of every ripple and wave. Naturally I tried to get a good picture of this but no luck. As much as I tried to focus the camera the picture kept capturing blurry. Of course, perfection can't be captured.
I gave up attempting to get a good picture and walked to the end of our dock, right where it met the sand. I stepped up onto the railing and leaned forward just as a family of five came running and screaming past me with their flashlights waving in the air. I couldn't tell for sure but I think they were being chased by an extremely frustrated crab. As they scurried past, I looked straight out to the ocean in front of me, to where the water seems to come to an edge and drop off and I realized that I was having a pretty symbolic moment. There I was...or I guess I should say here I am, the summer before my junior year of college completely lost. Don't get me wrong, I know where I want to end up I just have no idea how to get there. I guess I have some time to figure that all out. But standing there on the edge of the dock I realized that even though I may not be at the edge yet, I'm SO close. One wrong move, one wrong turn and I could lose myself...or my dream...or even worse BOTH.
I looked to my left and then to my right. The family had long since disappeared down the beach and I was now completely alone. Another symbolic moment: not only am I so close to the edge but I'm also alone. Alone to make my own decisions. Alone to chose my way in the world. Alone...
I'm 20 years old and I haven't had any interest in taking my life or my relationships very seriously. Which is probably why I haven't been able to hang on to a lot of them, romantic or not. I don't want to get negative though. I am so grateful for everything that I have been given so far in my life and I am even more grateful for who I've become.
Standing on that dock alone on such a perfect night on the beach would have been the perfect opportunity for some tall, dark, and handsome man or at the very least a celebrity to come walking by and say something to me; like, "Why are you, such a beautiful girl, alone on such a beautiful night?" But as I glanced to my left and right one last time, not a soul seemed to be coming my way, so I turned and headed back inside. I have never been a patient person and I have no intention of stopping my life to wait to anyone now."
Like I said before, sometimes it's nice to go back down memory lane to take a quick look around for old times sake. I'm sure I'm not the only one that can say that it's nice to see how far you have come. Most change in my mind will eventually turn out for the better even if at first it comes across as bad.
So today, on Martin Luther King Day, it's important to see how far we've come; but, it is also important to look and see how far you have come. If you don't see much of a change maybe you should start reworking your life a bit because there is always room for change.